georgia nicolson and then he showed me his wand
by natxbat
Summary: georgia nicolson is a late admission to hogwarts, and finally brings her boy entrancing ways to the wizarding world...but what will happen when she finds that some of her old friends are there too?
1. Chapter 1

**Saturday 28th July**

** 9.30am**

_Miss Georgia Nicolson_

_ The Front Bedroom_

_ Beech Avenue_

_ Eastbourne_

_HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY Headmaster: ALBUS DUMBLEDORE_

_(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,_

_Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)_

_Dear Georgia Nicolson,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted as a late admission to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We apologise for your late admittance, but the witches and wizards' records from your area were misplaced due to a problem at the Ministry of Magic. We are sure you will catch up with other students, and we offer extra tuition if needed. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment._

_Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

_ Deputy Headmistress_

What fresh hell? Is this a joke? All through my life nothing magical has ever happened to me. Just look at my luurve life, SG is well and truly buggered off to Kiwi-a-gogo and my italian cakey has been eaten by an octopussy, and might i add slimy, slag with no forehead.

**2 mins later.**

vati has seen my letter. he is shouting 'thank god, i thought my daughter was a squib!' he is now showing me his wand (erlack!) whilst the disgusting tart i am forced to call my mother is giggling every time O-portly one says 'my wand'  
how vair vair sad and pathetico this is.

**10am.**

Maybe there are some gorgey wizardy-type boys.

**30 seconds later.**

Maybe the wizardy-type boys are all midgets who wander round wearing capes with moons on them, and eat frogs for breakfast.

**10.02am.**

I wonder if there is a spell to make my nose smaller. and my eyelashes longer. and my hair have ultimate bounceability. Oh and don't forget, a lurker eradicator spell. yes this would be good.

**10.03am.**

I may even say it's going to be a HOOT. get it? i am already feeling the magic so much that i can make owley jokes.

**11am**

Mutti is going on about some saddo called 'diagonal lee'. what is wrong with lee and why is he diagonal?

**Sunday 29th July.**

**8am**

woke up to angus sitting on my nose. it's all squashed up but it looks slightly smaller like this. good kittykat. angus truly is a top class kitty, he nearly caught the owl when mum sent it off.

**8.02am**

turns out 'diagonal lee' is not really a lopsided bloke, its actually a road of shops in London or something, and mum says we're going today. What would be considered normal to wear to a magical shopping centre?

**8.03am**

a mini skirt, that's what.

**8.04am**

or maybe jeans and ankle boots?

**8.06am**

definitely the mini skirt.

**9am**

I am de-orangutaned to within an inch of my life, and my hair will have maximum bounceability from these rollers. have to make a good impression on the wizarding world and all that jazz. now for makeup.

**9.35am**

had a mad dash to put on foundation, pressed powder, bronzer, eyeliner, 8 coats of mascara, eyeshadow and my new lipgloss. positively sex kitty-ish. no no no dave get out my brain!

**10.13am**

on the train to London, reading my Hogwarts letter. it seems a bit different to Stalag 14. HURRAH! no more Hawkeye, no more Slim, no more wet lindsay!

**2 minutes later.**

Merde! what about the ace gang?

**1 minute later.**

what will they do without me. Jas could possibly die of a fringe flicking spasm, or RoRo could accidently set her fake beard on fire.

**30 seconds later.**

there is some chap a few seats down from us, who's reading some newspaper with pictures that keep waving at me. mutti says that all pictures in the wizarding world move, so this bloke must be a wizard. he's actually quite gorgey looking, all blonde in a sex-wizard way.

**10.17am**

oh god, he's caught me looking at him. look casual georgia, oooh what's that interesting no-smoking sign over there, casually scan the room. does this look normal? i could actually use the 'i've got to catch my train' excuse this time, apart from the train's next stop isn't for another half an hour.

**2 minutes later.**

his mum is looking now. like a goosegog.

**30 seconds later.**

my mum is waving at them. MUM PLEASE NOO, NOT IN FRONT OF BLONDIE.  
"Connie, haven't seen you for a while!" SW's mum is now sitting opposite us, "Draco, come and see Connie!"

**5 minutes later.**

So SW is called Draco, very wizardy name, and his mum is called Narcissa or something. Turns out she is one of mum's best friends from aerobics, but they were best friends at Hogwarts and she is also a witch. she's going on about how us 'pure bloods' have to stay together. what is wrong with everyone else's blood? this magic stuff is vair confusing.

**30 seconds later.**

Sex-Wizard has made me come to the shop bit of the train with him, and he bought me a coffee, even though I don't like them but i look v. sophisticated when i drink it. Draco is actually really nice and he's hilarious, he reminds me a bit of Dave. Oh my God DAVE GO AWAAAY.

**11.30am**

WE'RE IN LONDOOOON! mutti and I are going to diagonal lee with SW and his mum so that I have a friend for when I get to Hogwarts. I wouldn't mind getting to know Draco some more, tehehe.

**11.31am**

Gadzooks, Draco just showed me his wand (oo-er) and he says it's 10 inches (OO-ER) and 'springy' (erlack). Now we're in some crappio pub with some baldy that looks a bit like Uncle Eddie behind the bar.

**11.35am**

THERE IS A MAGIC STREET BEHIND THE PUB. The street's full of people wearing capes and things. What were they thinking? Mini skirts suit the occasion much better... Although I did get a couple of funny looks from some bearded old gits, but some attempted sticky eye action from a few young wizardy blokes.

**11.37am**

There are alot of gingers around here.

**30 seconds later.**

Draco doesn't seem to like them much, or that one with the scar on his forehead.

**2 minutes later.**

SW and Señor Scarry are having a fisticuffs at dawn fandango, I'd better cut in.

**11.40am**

'STOP IN THE NAME OF PANTS', Draco looked at me and burst out laughing. Eventually he calmed down a bit and put his arm round me and I dragged him away from Scarry and one of the gingers. They're still looking at me. What is it with wizardy folk and their goosegoggling.

**11.41am**

What is all this rubbish on my letter? Uniform is three sets of plain black work robes, a pair of protective gloves, and a black winter cloak with silver fastenings. at least you can wear normal clothes underneath, and there isn't anything about skirt length, makeup or berets. Then there's a load of text books about frogs or making things disappear and stuff, one of them is by ARSEnius Jigger. Tehehe. A wand, a cauldron, crystal phials, telescope and scales. What a load of crap. Mutti says i can take angus, and she'll get me an owl as well but send him there later, because i'm not really supposed to have both.

**1.57pm**

everything on my list is ticked off, even my wand. I'm running around with SW like a loon on loon tablets, waving a stick above my head. My wand-stick-thing is 13 inches, elm with phoenix feather core, and brittle. what difference that makes to me, I have no clue.

**3pm**

Draco has promised to come round tomorrow to teach me about wizardy things, and he only lives in Haywards Heath so it's not far.

**Saturday 29 July**

**7.30am**

Got up to do yoga to make me calmy-calm and refreshed. and also so i could get in some extra bathroom time to get ready for sex wizard.

**9.30am**

On the way to the train station to meet Draco, must walk slowly so i don't look like a red faced loon.

**9.59am**

I wonder if he actually remembered to come.

**2 seconds later.**

maybe it was all a dream.

**10.01am**

screamed in the middle of the station because Draco snuck up behind me. apparently i was on the wrong platform and he's been waiting for 10 mins. oopsies.


	2. Chapter 2

**Saturday 1st September**

** 11.04am**

I was right. A lot of these wizardy folk are very small. Even if they are only 1st years.

**11.05am**

'When is this bloody train going to leave?' Draco is moaning next to me, I'm reading 'witch weekly', its a bit weird compared to my usual magazines. Instead of telling me what I should be wearing this week, its telling me that frogspawn can be very good for digestive problems. I was just about to turn the page when SW swats it out my hand and starts wrestling me.

**30 seconds later.**

'DRACO, YOU'RE SQUASHING MY NOSE'  
at this point he practically wet himself laughing...while he was sitting on my face.

**2 seconds later.**

'Sorry to break up your little red bottomisity game, but could I sit with you please you naughty minxes? Everywhere else is full.' where had I heard that voice before?  
DAVE.  
'DAVE?' what is this? why is he here?  
'Georgia? I always knew something was a bit weird about you.' he laughed like a loon at this. oh brillopads, I thought i might be able to forget about him whilst I was here, but oh no nothing nice could happen to Georgia, just let her rot on the rack of love for the rest of her life. Draco looked confused, 'Do you two..Do you two know each other?'  
'Er yeah, Georgia's my er, my ex. But she is still my official Sex Kitty, so paws off Mr Magic.' he winked at SW, why would he do that? I am infact a free kitty. Draco is still sitting on me, but he has moved from my nose down to my legs, which I cannot feel anymore.

**11.48am**

so the nub and gist of it is that Dave is a wizard, and apparently so is Tom but he is somewhere down the train with guess who? Jazzy Spazzy that's who. Imagine her not telling her best pally that she was off to Hogwarts?

**11.49am**

'How do you know this guy, Gee?' Dave asked me after explaining the whole story to me,  
'Our mums are pals, and he's been teaching me some magic over the summer.' 'So you already know some magic? Come on kittycat, get your wand out then!'

**11.52am**

where did i put the bloody magic stick?

**30 seconds later.**

Found it, now erm, what was that spell again? ermm wingoose levardium? yep, that's it.

**11.53am**

This wand isn't working, maybe i accidentally swapped it with a stick in the park yesterday, or Angus has chewed it or something. Now Draco and Dave are laughing at me, what's funny?

**2 seconds later.**

Apparently it's 'wingardium leviosa', what utter rubbish! That is not a spell, those spoons, what do they take me for? A fool?

**11.55am**

I knew that.

**12.00pm**

All this magic is making me tired, and we've got hours left to go. Might just go for a little zizz on Draco's lap, naaaice and comf-...

**1.30pm**

yaaawn, I had a dream that SW and Dave the Laugh were talking about me. Dave was asking if me and Draco were together, and Draco said no and then Dave said something vair vair unexpected.  
'Good, because I think she's, you know, the one I'm meant to be with. I never stop thinking about her.'

**2 minutes later.**

Blimey O'Reilly, Dave the L keeps looking at me funny.

**30 seconds later.**

Can he tell what I'm thinking?

**2 seconds later.**

Maybe that's a wizard thing. Ok erm, think of something else Georgia.

**1.33pm**

Pigs. Pigs are a normal subject. Pigs rolling around in mud, without their pants, with their nudey pig bits on full show.

**30 seconds later.**

Dave has burst out laughing, he can read my mind.

**1 minute later.**

Turns out I was saying the whole pig thing out loud... awkward. Draco has 'transfigured' his nose into a pig snout , and the Hornmeister is rolling around on the floor pretending to show off his 'wand area'.

**30 seconds later.**

Only another 3 hours to endure their stupidity and utter madness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Saturday 1st September**

** 4.45pm**

oh my giddy aunt, it's a bit nippy noodles up here in the Hogwarts area.

**2 seconds later.**

good thing grandvati's girlfriend is beyond the valley of the mad, and packed me a knitted onesie, which is like a baby-grow, but for adults. also it only has one leg, does she think i have only 3 limbs? is my second leg not as obvious as the first?

**5 minutes later.**

we're on the way up to Hogwarts now, from the train station, i think i might be having a bit of a nervy b. what if they just send me back because i'm no good? or even worse, what if the wizarding world doesn't snog?

**4.51pm**

i think i would die of snogging withdrawal.

**5.15pm**

me and dave the biscuit are being made to wait with the first years. Draco got sent off by some woman that reminds me a bit of Hawkeye, erm...Professor McGonagall? It's too hard to say anyway, so she is officially the new Hawkeye. Oooooh, more late admissions are coming. That one looks a bit of a tart.

**2 seconds later.**

Hmm, he's quite groovy looking, in a weird, quiffy-hair way.

**30 seconds later.**

Oopsies, that's a girl.

**1 minute later.**

and here comes the traitor herself. the 'wise woman of the forest'. She's with Hunky as well, does that mean the Sex God was a wizard too?  
'Gee, I was going to tell yo-'  
'Save it, Jazzy Spazzy, I forgive you because I am being the better person here as we all know that I am anyway.'  
'and you didn't tell me either'  
'shut up.'

**5.20pm**

I'm bored now, HURRY UP STUPID WIZARDY TYPE FOLK.

**30 seconds later.**

There is now a sea of first years behind me, and we are being taken by Hawkeye into the unknown. Otherwise known as 'the Great Hall' for 'sorting'.

**15 minutes later.**

Blaaah blaah, rave on Hawkeye #2.

**2 seconds later.**

What? What? I'm sure she just said Rosie?

**30 seconds later.**

IT IS ROSIE! MY RORO IS IN SLYTHERIN WOOHOO!

**7 minutes later.**

Jules, Ellen and Mabs are all here. This is too good to be true. I could sing right now, but I won't.  
THE ACE GANG IS BACK TOGETHER, AND WE'RE MORE MAGICAL THAN EVEEER.  
that is what I would sing.

**30 seconds later.**

'Nicolson, Georgia!' Hawkeye shouts at me. Oh my giddy God, i have to put that mouldy old hat on. I will have hat hair infront of SW and The Hornmeister. What if it eats my hair?

**With the hat on.**

'Let's have a look at you then, Miss Nicolson. You've got a great imagination, the best I've ever seen I think. You're smart as well, very smart. You've got all the qualities for a great slytherin, the Slytherin Princess I would say. Yes, you'll be the best girl in Slytherin in a long time, remember that. SLYTHERIN!' the hat shouted, and Draco and Rosie stood on the bench cheering, and RoRo whipped on her fake beard in victory.

**15 minutes later.**

Great news, RoRo, Dave, Jules and I are all in slytherin. Jas, Tom, Ellen and Mabs are in Hufflepuff. Draco says that's the worst house to be in, and that Slytherin is the best. I always knew that Jas going rambling with Hunky would pay off, it means that because of her extremely sad habits putting her into an extremely sad house, I don't have to sleep with her and her frogspawn every night. Tehehe.

**30 seconds later.**

Blaaa Blaaa, Professor Dumbledore's speech is finally over, much to Rosie's disappointment, because she can't see his beard anymore due to the napkin he has put on. the food has just appeared on the table. If mum's a witch, how come there was never any magical food appearances at home? not even any normal food appearances?

**6.30pm**

Draco's a prefect for Slytherin, so he's taking us all to the common room. It's under the lake, and there's a marvy giant squid that i'm sure keeps winking at me.

**6.45pm**

this place is pretty cool, RoRo and I are in the same bedroom, with a couple of other girls that remind me a bit of Nauseating Pamela Green and Astonishingly Dim Monica. We will deffo be ignoring them. Or, sticking fur on the faces during the night, which I think is a much better idea.

**1 minute later.**

Down in the common room, with Dave, Draco and Rosie. Draco says he's going to show us the Slytherin Prefects lounge because it won't be as busy.

**6.50pm**

This lounge is marvy, it's full of sofas and arm chairs. There's even a wizard radio, and the prefects' bedrooms through the doors in the corner. The girl prefect is someone called 'Pansy Parkinson', who Draco says is very irritating. SW reckons he's going to have parties in the Prefects Lounge, and Rosie says she'll help being as she is the ultimate party planner. By party planner i mean snog fest organiser.

**10 minutes later.**

Draco's gone to do his prefect duties, and Rosie's gone off to send an owl to Sven, leaving me and Dave alone in Draco's room...


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry this is a bit of a short one, I just didn't want to spend too long on this part, its just a filler! I promise the next chapter will be mind blowing though.**

* * *

**7.01pm**

'So Sex Kitty, come and have a chat with The Biscuit.' Dave is now patting the bed next to him, should I sit down?

**30 seconds later.**

Sat down. Ok, all is going fine.  
'I'm really glad you're here, Gee.'  
'I'm glad you're here too Dave, who else would be my general adviser and Hornmeister?' I wish that dream was real. Wait - NO NO, I DON'T. DAVE GET OUT MY BRAIN.

**2 seconds later.**

'Well hopefully you won't need any more advice...'  
'I HAD A DREAM THAT YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME ON THE TRAIN.'  
'umm ermmm that er, that wasn't erm, that wasn't real.' Dave said, eyes wide. Has he turned into ellen? 'So you don't want to snog me to within an inch of my life?' this is bad, Dave might be one of the only boys who know how to snog within the whole school.  
'I never said that...' He started leaning towards me, good thing I did my lippy thing when me and Rosie checked out our room. We got up to number 6, and he did lip nibbling.

**7.30pm**

Dave really is a marvy kisser.

**7.37pm**

So I'm sat here in Draco's room, as lonely as a clud, because Dave's gone to check out his dormitory again. This is the perfect time to find out about boy stuff.

**30 seconds later.**

So instead of makeup and clothes and shoes and bags and you know, normal stuff, wizardy-type boys tend to keep weird things in their drawers.

**1 minute later**.

I mean REALLY weird. I just found something that looks a bit like a half eaten monkey having its tail knotted around its' head.

**5 minutes later.**

'Georgia? What are you doing in my underwear drawer?' Draco said with an amused look on his face.  
'I erm, I thought they ermm had magical qualities' in actual fact I had been trying them on, pretending to be Jas with her massive knickers.

**7.45pm**

Lying on the bed with SW, he's teaching me 'how to make things bigger and smaller' (oo-er). He's just watching me. And not like, watching me practise my magic. I mean watching me, like a goosegog. 'So do you luurve Dave?'  
'No! I mean, he's my top lad mate and all but all the luurve stuff's in the past.'  
Draco just smiled and put his arm around me.

**2 minutes later.**

'Can I make my nose smaller?'  
'Gee I wouldn-'  
My head suddenly feels very light. And I don't mean in a light headed kind of way.

**15 minutes later.**

Fab, I'm now lying on a bed in the Hospital Wing with a head around the same size of Our Lord Sandra's.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thursday 6th September**

**Lunchtime**

So my head is finally back to normal size. Unfortunately, so is my huge nose. I haven't even been to any lessons at Hoggywarts yet, my first one is after lunch. What was it again?

**30 seconds later.**

Potions with Professor Hornyslug. Or is it Sluggyhorn?

**2 seconds later**.

Either way, it is a slug with the horn.

**Potions.**

Rosie just chucked me a note.

_Gee,_  
_I think you being here deserves a friendly game of Let's Go Down The Disco! Closest one to Slughorn without him noticing wins. Jas' stash of midget gems is first prize._  
_RoRo xxxx_

**47 minutes later.**

Rosie is leading with behind his desk while he is infront of it, and there's still 10 minutes left to play.

**11 minutes later.**

YES! Won by a mile, stood right infront of him whilst he did up his shoelace. Jas' midget gems are mine.

**7 seconds later.**

Unless she has hidden them in her massive pants. Then I don't want them.

**5 minutes later.**

Sat in History of Magic with some ghosty bloke rambling on and on. I might just have a little zizz.

**2 seconds later.**

.

**57 minutes later.**

'Gee, wake up it's time to go!' Dave was poking me in the face, trying to get me up. I hope my makeup looks ok.

**3.34pm**

Ducked into the tarts' wardrobe to sort myself out. I do kind of look like I've crawled through a bush. Right, let's do mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow, another layer of foundation and lipgloss. If anyone looks at me now they will not think of me as a homeless.

**3.37pm**

Good thing I did sort myself out, Draco found me kind of lost on the 4th floor. He's now got his arm around my shoulder, taking me back to the Slytherin common room.

**4.05pm**

There's going to be a party tomorrow night! We're having it in the Prefect's Dorm, and the whole Ace Gang will be there. So will SW, Dave, Tom, and most people in the house! Yessss! Rosie's helping Draco to plan it, because of her legendary party planning experience!

**30 seconds later.**

I NEED TO START GETTING READY. I SHOULD HAVE STARTED AGES AGO.

**4.09pm**

Draco says Rosie and I can use the Prefect's bathroom to get ready, apparently they have a huge relaxing bath.

**4.10pm **

So I'll have to fake being ill at lunch just to start getting ready, one of the girls from our dorm gave me something called a 'puking pastille'?

**30 seconds later.**

I hope they don't taste like actual puke.


	6. Chapter 6

**Friday 7th September**

**12.37pm**

Right, it's now or never. Time to puke some pastille.

**10 seconds later.**

OK, so I just licked it and it tastes like libs' bogeys or something horrible like that. I don't even think I need to eat it anymore I feel that sick.

**12.38pm**

'Go on Gee, just shove it in your gob!' Dave keeps displaying how to swallow food to me, shoving great big pieces of potato waffle down his throat and going 'see, easy!' and then choking.

**12.39pm**

OUTRAGE. ROSIE HAS PUT A PUKING PASTILLE IN MY BEANS AND I ATE IT BUT THEN I WAS SICK ALL OVER MY CHARMS HOMEWORK. Well... my 3 sentences of charms homework. Which I copied off one of the freaky girls in our dorm.

**20 seconds later.**

'Oh! Gee! _DON'T WORRY EVERYONE I'LL TAKE HER TO THE 'HOSPITAL WING'_!' and then Rosie winked at me, and Rosie cannot wink subtly. Dave gave me a massive thumbs up and said, 'Really spectacular vomiting there, it was almost projectile.'

**In the Prefects' Bathroom.**

A very pale young boy keeps staring at Rosie and I from one of the bathroom stalls. I might just have a nervy b. as we are in the nuddy-pants.

**30 seconds later.**

'!' the boy just flew over our heads and into the water, since when can boys fly? Especially ones with glasses and a resemblance to Pamela Green?  
'Excuse me but we're trying to erm, have a swim here because Rosie has er... swim-itis and can't uhh, she can't walk? Yeah, so could you leave please because we're not into boys,'  
'Really?' the boy smiled and came closer, 'That's convenient then,' and then he dived under the water and came very close to my nungas. MY NUNGAS! WHAT IS HE PLAYING AT? I went to hit him but my hand went straight through. What fresh hell?  
'Don't touch my nungas you weirdo! I told you! We're not into boys!' 'What? But er, I'm a girl!' SHE started crying and flew off into the U-bend in the toilet.

**2 hours later.**

Well, it's very hard to have a relaxing bath when the ghosty manlady won't stop crying. It sounds like she's drowning a cat in there.

**3.48pm**

So, let's start getting ready. I've got my rollers in for maximum bounceability and to give me that sex kitty-ish charm.

**4.29pm**

YESSSSS. stages 1,2 and 3 of my skincare are finished. I've just finished my base layer of foundation. So that only leaves another layer and then some press powder.

**2 seconds later.**

And bronzer and blusher. And maybe some highlighter.

**47 minutes later.**

Is this too brown? Or does it make me look tanned and gorgey?

**2 minutes later.**

'Blimey, Gee, have you not taken your chocolate face mask off yet? It's been ages!'  
'Of course I have, what are you on about?'

**30 seconds later.**

Maybe its just a little bit too brown then.

**5.47pm**

Ok, foundation etc FINISHED. Now, have the eyebrows got to orangutangy? No. All is good.

**12 minutes later.**

Smoky eyeshadow, meow.

**6.01pm**

Everything is on time... eyeliner is perfect and first layer of mascara is on.

**6.03pm**

And now the third layer is.

**30 seconds later.**

MERDE. Skewered my eyeball with my mascara, ouch ouch bloody ouch!

**2 seconds later.**

I'm in aggers OCNSrwr42CNASCXNC. Ok, calm down, don't mess up your makeup again. You don't want to look like a panda infront of the Hornmeister and SW, and any other blokey-type.

**27 minutes later.**

9 layers of mascara on and my eye feels better than ever. Ish... Anyway, should i go with the boy entrancers? I don't want another eye-sticking-together fandango. But they are good for entrancing boy types. Maybe there's a spell to help keep them on properly?

**6.37pm**

There's not. Has the wizarding world never heard of beauty? This is pants.

**30 seconds later.**

I officially attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Pants.

**Sorry Readers, I'm going on holiday for 5 weeks and might not be updating, I'm not sure. Promise to do an extra long chapter when I get back though! Thanks for all the reviews aswell!**


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